What's That Smell

Up until now, I don't recall being humiliated in public by my children. The occasional meltdown at Target doesn't get to me, and the fit throwing when it is time to leave church makes me proud that she has a great time.

I had to run a quick errand yesterday, I could breeze in and out in a jiffy and we would be on our way. We past a man and Claire exclaims in the loudest voice possible "MOM THAT MAN SMELLS!", I felt all the blood escape from my head, and I froze in time. She not only said it once but she said it again. I quickly had to get her quiet before the man was humiliated, though he didn't seem to mind. I tried to talk to her in a low voice about how RUDE that was, and why we don't say things like that. She softly informed me that he smelled like coffee and that she had forgotten to mention that.

Beep Beep Goes the Cow

Our neighborhood is next to a cow pasture, so every time we exit our neighborhood we see lots and lots of cows. When we drive by them now, we honk like crazy and wave as though we haven't seen a friend in a long time. Sure you might think we are ding dongs, but it keeps our daughter all of us laughing hysterically.

Fast forward to the other day when a family member was in town visiting us, we all leave the neighborhood and hubby starts honking and we all start waving. Said family member is looking around thinking we have all lost our marbles, and then sheepishly asks "um, who exactly are we waving and honking at?" Claire laughs at her and says "THE COWS OF COURSE SILLY!!!"

So if you ever come to visit us and you ride with us, be prepared to wave to the cows.

Of age or not of age?

In today's society when a person of 17 commits a crime there is always a debate over whether or not that person is considered an adult.

Well when all else fails in the legal system consult a 3 3/4 year old. According to her you are a baby until about 5 months, then you are a child until 3 and then you are a kid until you are 101. Yep that's right I am a kid, and so are you ;).

I wonder how that would work in the real world?

Cutting Up

Exhibit A

Exhibit B

Exhibit C

This is what happens when a mother gives her daughter a pair of scissors and leaves to nurse baby.

Mind you, I was merely in the other room and I could hear her talking and playing, and I was beaming with pride. A few minutes later she came rushing in exclaiming "mommy I love to scissor, and I didn't cut my hand off." Any mother would be proud that her child didn't cut her hand off. So I strolled into the crimescene playroom, to find indeed she loves "scissoring."

What all did she cut? Her cabbage patch dolls hair, another "dolly" that has long flowing blonde hair, the infant cabbage patch dolls hair bow, her pull along doggies chain (into about 32 pieces), Mardi Grais necklace, the pen from her doodle board, and the best was the bow off her shirt!

I was gone MAYBE 14 minutes, can you imagine what I would have walked into had I left her there for 30 minutes!!!

After the trama wore off, we had a heart to heart over appropriate scissor useage.

I am just thankful it wasn't the cats hair she decided to cut.

Am I On Candid Camera?

I admit I usually bring my A game, but there are days that sometimes I feel like my head was left behind and my body is just wandering, take the following incident as proof:

Drop Claire off at preschool decide it would be fun to go for a morning run with baby.

Load baby up push her into the grass, push the garage door button, jump over sensor and we are on our way.

30 minutes later I come back to stand at the garage door thinking "rats, what am I going to do?" Yep that's right people I locked myself out of my house!!

Went down the road to the neighbors house, who luckily just quit her job, used her phone to call hubby who relays to me that he doesn't have his house keys either because he reminds me that last night we swapped keys because I used his truck to drive home and he took the van to bring the girls home, and that this morning he couldn't find where I put the truck keys......rats again.

Oh well he can just drive the 45 miles to our house and use the garage door opener, right?

Wrong again. His garage door opener was at another neighbors house who watched the critters while we were gone, and we hadn't gotten the opener back from them yet (as we took the van).

TRIPLE RATS!!!

$168.00 later, baby and I went back into the house, I was waiting for someone to jump out of the bushes and yell "Smile, your on candid camera."

My neighbors will now all be getting a copy of our housekey!!

Hubby and I both could have had horrible attitudes over this but we found the blessings!

1) My neighbor was home so I could use her phone
2) While we waited for our expensive hero to come it was a mere 93 degrees rather than 103
3) Hubby and I got to have lunch together (something we NEVER get to do)
4) While we waited for our expensive hero to come baby pooped some more so I decided to make an improve diaper from the blanket I thankfully brought along
5) Baby didn't pee or poop in the improve diaper!

I am trying to learn how to put a positive spin on everything so I can remember the blessings!!

S is for SNAKE!

Personally I believe it is unbiblical to like snakes, I do I HATE snakes. No matter how you try to "sell" them to me, I refuse to buy it. I don't care what kind it is, the only good kind are the kind.

Some friends of ours at church have two Pythons. They invited us over last week, and I didn't want to go but my hubby and daughter were more than thrilled to accept. They met Zach and Joe, and I kept baby inside in my arms and I refused to go visit either of them. The mere fact that I was at their house made the hairs on my body stand. Zach is 4 1/2 feet long and is expected to reach 8 feet when fully grown. Joe is currently only 18 inches but will also get that big. They kept telling me that yes Zach could eat baby, but wouldn't because it had been fed the day before...VERY reassuring for me. They don't have kids but both admit that when they do they aren't sure what they are going to do with snakes....my suggestion shoot them. Again my opinion.

Fast forward to Sunday when we are driving home from church, we turn onto the main drive into the neighborhood and on the road right in front of the golf course there is something that resembles a snake.....I mention it to hubby who whips the minivan around (I didn't know it took turns so well) and indeed it is a 4 foot snake but LUCKILY the thing is already dead. Hubby tells daughter who thinks it is equally cool and wants to see it, I start threatening that NO ONE will be exiting the vehicle. So hubby gets grins by running over the snake again with daughter giggling the entire time. Momma wasn't pleased but hey no one got out of the car.

Fast forward again to Tuesday evening, we were out going for an evening walk when I spot a 12" black snake on the road (we were on the sidewalk). Instantly I decide that indeed this is an anaconda that has escaped the Amazon and founds it way into suburbia and again into my neighborhood on my street. Hubby laughs at me, meanwhile he and my daughter decide it would be "FUN" to watch him to see where he goes. While I am peeking out of my hands in horror just knowing that this thing is going to strike one of them (HUBBY DID NOT LET HER GET WITHIN 4 FEET OF THE SNAKE), I have now decided that it is a King snake and it is going to find it's way up the road and into my garage. I am so glad that the Lord blessed me with such a wild imagination. Eventually the snake went into our neighbors grass and I made them keep walking so it wouldn't attack them. Daughter has not been out in the back yard since, and I am not sure if she will EVER go back there again.

Hubby said a few weeks ago he thought we might start seeing snakes because there are a billion tree frogs everywhere and July was the rainiest month on record, at the time I thought "oh goody", now I think we are moving.

Absent Minded

When baby number two came, we opted not to go for the expensive printed announcements, and we took the cheaper route via Target.....they turned out lovely and we finally mailed them when she was about 8 weeks (we are so on top of things). After we mailed them we realized:
A) hubby didn't put our last name on the announcement
B) I didn't put our last name on the return address!

HAHAHAHAHA! Very funny! My MIL told me the other day that she has gotten lots of phone calls from their old church, where my FIL used to pastor, asking about the baby; because they didn't know anyone in _______ (since moving to the big city here we have moved twice to smaller suburbs ). I am pleased as punch that most people figured out she belonged within our family though.

It gave us a good laugh, and we promise that when we send out Christmas cards our last name is going to be EVERYWHERE!

Vacuuming Is Not An Appropriate Punishment For Our Daughter

Friday we had a good, all out temper tantrum, the kind that makes me want to pull my hair out, but then I remember that I can't or I will be bald.

I told her to come inside remove her crocs and get some socks so we can go for a walk, whine whine whine.

I take my serious tone, more whining so I just loose it and tell her we aren't going for a walk and we are just going to take baths and go to bed (it was 7:30 and she normally goes to bed around 9:00). She starts her all out temper tantrum, screaming, thrashing about like a cat trying to be shoved into a carrier.

Meanwhile I am wearing the baby so I am trying to get the kid in the house so our neighbors don't think we aren't perfect parents (HAHAHAHAHA). We come inside and she REFUSES to take her crocs off, instead she decides to take off running thru the house!

Okay seriously I was ticked off that she was defying me, but I CAN'T STAND for shoes to be worn in my house! I have made the Maytag repair man stand outside my door while I call his supervisor because he wont take off his shoes (only to learn that they all have booties in their vehicles that he could have gotten). I pick my battles but we have white carpet and I like my white carpet. Meanwhile she is still running thru the house like a crazy kid, so I lay the baby on the ground (still in the carrier) so I can catch the other one. Baby is now screaming her head off because her sister is scaring the crap out of her, and the other one is screaming her head off as well.

Hubby calls and says "how is your day?" to this I reply great all is well talk to you later, and hung up.

I proceed to remove her clothes because she is just fit to be tied at this point, and I decide to bathe her, note I have not been drinking though one might think so because would you bathe a cat who hasn't been tranquilized? While in the tub she is throwing an all out war, with water going EVERYWHERE which makes me angrier but I don't show her that because will have won. The baby is now in the swing crying because she is still scared, but I can only deal with them one at a time. I dry her off and send her to her room where she has the choice to either get dressed or be naked, in more defiance she chose to not put jammies on but rather clothes....fine with me she isn't naked.

By now some might be saying this behavior would not be tolerated in my house.....haha you don't know her and you don't know me. She is a spitting image of me as a child (my mother enjoys pointing this out). When she gets upset there is no reasoning with you, you must let her get it out of her system then you can talk to her like a rational human being. Seriously my mother would spank me when I would get like this; and it was like pouring gasoline on a fire, sending me into a more volitle stage (yet she never stopped doing it). We don't spank her, because we think it is illogical to pour gasoline on a fire, but we do come up with alternative punishments to fit the crime. After a while of her steaming in her room, she comes out calm as the sea and apologizes and know she will be punished.

I hand her a towell and tell her to clean up the bathroom, which she does silently.

I then get out the vacuum cleaner and tell her she needs to vacuum where she ran, her eyes lite up like the 4th of July and I realize she is going to enjoy this and I should have come up with a better punishment. She did vacuum like she was instructed, but unfortunetly for me it was not a punishment because she had a grin on her face the entire time. So I now have made a new mental note to make it a future punishment, but rather a new chore for her to do around the house to help me out.

Happy Birthday, It's A Miracle!, RAIN that wont go away

HAPPY BIRTHDAY AUNTIE M!!!!!
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My daughter ate a Peanut Butter sandwich today!!!! HURRAY! Up until now she was probably the only 3 year old who would not eat a PB sandwich; she would eat peanut butter on Ritz crackers but has always refused to eat it on bread. It's a July miracle!
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It is raining an obscene amount around here. It rained so hard and so much in such a small amount of time, that this is what the back corner of our yard look like.......

This is the very back right corner of the yard

And this would be looking out my bathroom window onto the side of the house where our dog run is......yes that is about 2 feet of water that you see. The dogs were let out of their dog run so they could destroy the rest of the yard but at least they wouldn't drown.

Thanks Pulte for the fine craftmanship in draining that you have provided! :)

Feel like smiling and possibley even chuckling?

John Edwards to End all Bad Things by 2011

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All Washed Up

This is just funny so I had to mention it: yesterday when I went to unload a load from the washer into the dryer I found a: CELL PHONE! Yep my sweet husbands phone had been washed. No it didn't work, we luckily keep all of our old phones for play around the house so he snagged one of them and my phone and used my phone until he could get to Verizon for them to hook up the old one so he could use it for the next few days.. He ordered a new phone but it wont be here for another 7 days. Since he has to be able to be reached at all hours he had to change both voice mails (mine and his), and he is carrying around my girly Razor phone with it's girly ringer.

He found the humor in it, and his dad even suggested giving it the full treatment by putting it in the dryer! HILARIOUS!

Which teaches us what lesson? ALWAYS CHECK THE POCKETS!

Injuries, Injuries

As well all remember last week was Claire's first time to hurt herself...well the last few days have been her parents days to hurt themselves.

J smacked to of his fingers with a hammer, luckily he didn't break anything, but he definetetly popped some vessells. His right pointer finger is hard to move, but it is because of the spot he hit. Actually it has been about three days now and they are looking much better! Every night Claire prays for him which is so sweet!

Over the winter the dogs were nice enough to track lots and lots of mud onto the back porch, so yesterday I thought it would be fun to pressure wash it. My neighbors graciously obliged to me borrowing their contraption for a few hours. I was out there having a BLAST (haha) when I noticed I had some grass on my foot. Now for those of you who know me really well like my family will not be surprised by this story those of you who don't know me really well will probably think all kinds of stuff! I decided to....spray my foot.....yes that is right spray my foot with this super heavy duty pressure washer. Note to anyone who might consider doing this in the future: DON'T. It ripped thru lots of layers of skin and I was bleeding but not bad. It definetely hurts, but I can laugh about it, and did with the neighbors last night. Her husband is a CNRA and he had the most fun with me over the whole ordeal. My sweet husband just said "In the future please leave the pressure washing to me."

Hopefully we will all go unscaved next week!

You know if you are a Yankee when......

You ask if you cook a steak by baking it in the oven!

One of our friends/neighbors who lives a few streets over has parents that are certified "Organic Ranchers" and since they know I am into that kind of stuff, when they see their parents they always bring us back meat. Lots and lots of meat. A few weeks ago they brought us about 25 lbs of steak and about 1.5 lbs of ground beef. We love it and they know we do and they know how excited my hubby is about having fresh steak (because it tends to be costly we buy steak once a month usually).

Anyways Saturday night I thawed out what I thought was two steaks....until Sunday when I opened the packages. One package had two steaks and the other had three. I thought Holy Cow (haha I know I am funny) what are we going to do with all this meat? So I called another neighbor and said hey would you guys like steak for dinner. Her response?

"Sure, what temp do I need to put my oven at?"

me: silence

her: "Hello?"

me: "Tell me you are kidding, right? You don't put steak in the oven, you grill it."

her: "Oh, well I didn't know I never cooked my own steak before, I just go out to eat if I want a steak."

me: "Astonishment


They own a grill mind you, but the only thing they use it for is seafood (they are from Maryland) and hamburgers. I told her how to make them, how long to cook them, and then told had to teach her how to grill asparagus too.

I then called my husband who was at a "Man Store" and he thought I was kidding.

We are from the south, the south where everyone is born knowing how to grill meat......don't get me wrong I have family in the north, and when I think about it I don't think I have ever seen them grill their own steaks either.

This just cracked me up.....seriously cracked me up!

OOUCH!

I came home the other day and took my heels off on the stairs leading from the garage into the house, without any thought. Well a bit later my husband goes out into the garage to grab something when I hear a scream:...............

Him: OUCH, DANG IT THAT HURT!
Me: What happened?
Him: You left your dang shoes on the stairs with the heel up and I stepped on it.
Me: Is my shoe okay?
Him: NEVERMIND ME; YOU ARE MORE WORRIED ABOUT YOUR SHOE?!
Me: I'm sorry....are you okay?
Him: DON'T WORRY ABOUT ME I'LL BE FINE!
Me: No, seriously are you okay?
Him: Yeah I am fine ......but you crack me up
Me: Why?
Him: You don't worry about a $75.00 ER visit, but you DO worry about your Bandalinos that you got on sale for 19.99.
Me: Well they are worth $75.00 too so six one way half a dozen another.
Him: laughing, he said "Now I remember why I love you so much"
Me: Why cause I am selfish when it comes to shoes.....I am a woman period.
Him: No I just love you
Me: I love you too

okay we will stop there the rest doesn't need to be read :)

He is seriously okay and before people get their feathers ruffled that I am not a good wife and that I don't love and take care of my husband, I doctored his foot that night and I made him a special dinner. He has since kindly requested that I not remove and leave my shoes on the stairs anymore, and I have agreed to that.

Quick Humor

Claire is supposed to be napping right now but she is in her room pretending she is at the doctors this is the conversation that I am listening too:

"Doctor I am sick, I need medicine"

"Okay Claire, you need candy not medicine"

"That's great! Mom says I can't have candy but the doctor said so, so now I can."

"I will give you two peices then you will be all better"

"HURRAY"

"M-O-M-M-Y!"

"Yes Claire?" me

"The doctor told me I need medicine to be better"

me: "I didn't know you were sick."

"I am, so please go get some"

me: "no"

"okay" said in a tone of depression and sheer upsetness that she was shot down for candy!

me: "I love you Claire, now lay down and rest"

"yes mame"


She absoluetely CRACKS me up to no avail!